2015: the year of Adventure

I went to see that stupid tree for a little bit of wonder.

They turned the lights out on me

What's up old blog?

It's been a while. I've been in NYC for a year and a few months now. I really thought it was going to transform my life into something amazing. Turn me into a high-cultured, fancy fancy, worldly jet setter.

It has not. 

This last year, the city has shriveled my soul and my coping mechanism has actually reverted me back to an unhealthy lifestyle filled with reclusive tendencies. Working long hours in restaurants that weren't particularly inspiring. Hoping to become a sommelier, only to have empty promises go unfulfilled. Being too tired to run harder and faster, and thus losing those precious endorphin highs that helped me stay spirited while in portland.

It is not to say that NYC was a complete waste. I have seen some fantastic things

And met some people that I will remain friends with for a long time. I just learned a lot about what kind of person I am, and what I find valuable in this world. 

I live by my own pace

NYC, you're great. You are alive at all hours of the day. You're filled with diversity, ambition, and really tasty food. But you are also packed with power-hungry selfish energy. The center of the rat race, and people who are too busy or too tired or too self-centered to be kind to their fellow human being.

As I embark on my 30th year, I will spend my last few months in NYC embracing the things that make you beautiful, chaotic and awe inspiring. I will fall back in love with you. And then I will leave you.

I'm moving to Australia.

I realized that the thing I was seeking when I moved here was a sense of adventure and discovery. When you first arrive the first few months are fantastic: exploring everything and everything you can find, smiling at strangers, and a spring in your step. 

But the honeymoon slips away.

You run out of money. Get a job that gives you all the hope in the world. Commute 2+ hours a day. Work more than 40 hours a week for tips that were a fraction of what they were back home. While the cost of living is nearly double. You stop cooking your own meals and fall victim to the ever so popular Seamless delivery system. Too tired/broke to go out in your free time. Too uninspired to try those new things you were once so excited about. People are too busy with their careers and too established with their routine and friends are not nearly as easy to come by when you were in college. You get stuck in a lonely rut and fall back into your unhealthy social crutches: drinking and smoking cigarettes.

I don't like the person I have become. The person I had already transformed from. I see my ghosts coming back to haunt me. I am devastated.

Aussie fund: 850/8000

Unexpected expenses: 100 for a phone after drowning my last one for the 100th time

Extravagant unnecessaries: 250 for a plane back home(after a 150 voucher), 150 for Christmas Gifts, 130 for tickets to Hedwig for Alexis's birthday

Drinking expenses: a shameful amount

PDX Bucket list

Camping (check)

Hiking (check)

Floating (check)

Repeat

Barbecue!!

Repeat

Dancing at the Goodfoot

Karaoke at Chopsticks II

One more stupid voodoo donut

Run the broadway-sellwood loop

Bowl of pho at Pho Hung on Powell's

Cheap local show

Banh Mi at the Free House

Trivia and a burger at Bar Bar

Shots of "fire monkey" and shuffle board at Vendetta

Lamb gyro and VS-tall, st. Germain at Touché

Dinner made by Chef Paul Klitsie

Therapy with Shiga

Stripparoke at devils point

Picnic at the Rose Garden

Hug my dog

Nomad Nitiya

Hello again, crappy blog!
its been a while. since my depressing revelation on Architecture School I've done some shit:

Moved in with the Boy I Held Hands With

Went to Cambodia to try to save the world. ate shit. got drunk. saved the world

Visited my BFF Lex in NYC. there was a "hurricane" 

got a puppy with the boy i held hands with

Drank

ate shit

Continued working at my old restaurant, was promoted to manager, subsequently fired

Ran

Got unemployment. not because i couldn't find a job, but because i was being a spiteful bitch

got a job immediately after receiving first unemployment check. across the street. without an interview. and its 1000x busier.

mo money mo problems

Drank

Made amends with My old restaurant. celebrated by doing cello shots with my nemesis: Fat Powder

Ran

ate a bunch of shit

Ran my first Marathon

Visited my BFF Lex and Sert Bert in NYC. there was a hurricane

Drank

had a crappy weird meal at Jean-Georges in NYC

Worked the holiday season like it was the end of the world

Ran

ate some awesome shit at Castagna (seriously top 5 best meals)

Lost my Mind

Went to Disneyland with BFFs Lex and Ham. Had the time of my life

Got inspired again, mind still lost

Ran the starlight 5k with BFF Ham, her first. we dressed like Tobias Funke: Blue Man nevernudes

drank

ran

Stopped holding hands with the boy

drank

drank

went spontaneously camping. stole dog.

drank

sang

bought a ticket to NYC

getting rid of all my stuff.

leaving and not turning back.

want my desk?

When I started this blog I weighed nearly 170 pounds. I really hated myself and used my love for food as a crutch and my weight as a symbol of pride for said gluttony. I'm now 130 on a bad day. it took me a long time to figure out who I was, and what makes me happy. I still love to eat(seriously, big mac + filet o fish, in succession). but I learned to love myself. So sorry for not updating. i got busy living my life. growing. loving. losing. and moving on. I'm not perfect, and I am still figuring out what the hell the universe wants me to do. thanks for stopping by

architecture school

architecture school destroyed my ability to feel confidence in anything I do and my general feeling of self-worth. it made me hate myself, or at least was the best medium for me to grasp the feeling of inadequacy. it gave me anxiety. i loved to make, but the fear of rejection paralyzed me to the point of self-sabotage. my voice was never good enough and I preferred to stay silent.

i don't know what i learned from architecture school

Biwa

strong alcohol in tiny cups can be very misleading, especially when you are easily charmed by things that are little. Sert and I went to Biwa for dinner before watching our friend's dance/music show down the street.

There was delight from the tiny little carafe, and then there was the tiny little cups!
We giggled as we played with our grown-up tea set, but instead of imaginary earl grey it was the sweet nectar of sake.

My sister and I have very blunt conversations with unabashed honesty.

"have you been tanning? you face looks great"
"Actually I am wearing a shit ton of make up, I am totally breaking out right now and had to cover it up"

The table of 40 somethings look over our table, mere inches away, and pretended to concentrate on their bowl of ramen while I knew they were listening to our conversation.

we started with a chicken heart skewer. I love different and chewy textures, so i really enjoyed this. the hearts were grilled with a teriyaki glaze and served with a hot mustard. It was nice and irony, and I wished we had three.

The octopus salad was standard and all tentacle curl, yay!

the clams were served in a sake broth, and was full of chilies, also delicious and i really wanted some nontraditional bread to sop the broth up. Sert and I (not so) politely slurped it up with a soup spoon.

Unfortunately we did not get the Ramen noodles they are famous for. Sert is gluten-free. I don't even wanna say what i think about that. just. no.

afterwards we watched a clown writhe underneath plastic and two boys strip nearly naked in a bunch of sweaty glory. It was a very interesting performance.

A Milli

running a half-marathon in April so i get the excuse of eating a lot between running 20 plus miles a week. I seriously think I only started running to justify my ridiculous need to eat incredibly fatty foods.
This term I am taking a History of Jazz class, which just gave me more reason to eat and drink at night. So off to the Jimmy Mak's, portland's biggest jazz hub, we go.

Since conversations tend to get awkward and strained when my sibblings and I hang out with dad, I thought the distraction of live music would be a nice way to spend time together. It is not completely escapist, like a movie, yet not as stark and exposed like a silent dinner table. So my sister and I were able to avoid most of his piercing missiles. example:

"you look fatter than your sister"
"your sister looks fatter than you"
"you look like you are balding"
"what are you going to do with your worthless college degree"

Sert and I managed to escaped with a pleasant "both of you look like the same size, now"

hmm...

but before any awkward silences commenced, there was a "1-2-3-4" and the strings of a jazz guitar started plucking away. Only to be followed by 3 middle-aged men that looked like they were in various stages of coitus... for an hour and a half

Cafe Nell

Lunch time during "Blizzard crisis 2010!"

Met us with Ham and Clio for our quarterly check in.
I have heard a lot of things about Cafe Nell, all in all, they were good things.

I had the turkey burger which came in tasting delicious, and was washed down with a tummy warming spiked mexican hot chocolate.

coming out, however, was a different story.

10 hours later I am enjoying a walk in the brisk air with my boyfriend when i start to feel a gurgle in my belly.

the walk turned into a quick march, and then a light panicked jog back to his apartment. i rip my jeans off, not bothering to unbutton or unzip anything, and proceed to reenact a scene from "dumb and dumber" with gratuitous honor.